I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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