Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
