You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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