is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
being pregnant is like rehab
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
