Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
