Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
