I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
