the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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