Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
