Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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