she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
