Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My penis needs a shock collar
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
