is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
