how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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