i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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