This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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