Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
