It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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