if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i dont even know how to be here
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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