my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
