Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Bring me that man meat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
