This house was built for laser tag.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
