I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
