That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
