PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
