I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
