you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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