I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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