Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
