You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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