Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
