so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
