I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
