I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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