so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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