you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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