Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just forgot I was standing up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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