I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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