Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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