Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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