it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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