I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So squirting runs in the family.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
