walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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