before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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