I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
only you would photoshop your dick
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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