why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
