Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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