I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize