How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
