the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
