Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your penis caused this!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
