ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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