They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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