I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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