We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
