If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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