the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
