they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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