I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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