Little spoons don't ask big questions
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
