i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
