4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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