Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
