Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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