well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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