dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
