Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
