my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
