i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm getting married
To pizza
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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